Whoever said Washington, D.C., was a heartless, cutthroat, cold place in February clearly never spent any time with federal agencies on Valentine’s Day.

Government offices have spun off their own versions of Valentine’s Day cards in an effort to share some warm-fuzzies that also might keep you safe from a house fire or another one of D.C.’s signature unpredictable winter storms.

So if you’re a lonely heart this Cupid’s day, wipe away that tear. Uncle Sam is here for you with some public service announcements and puns that err on the side of poetry. We’ll let you be the judge if they’re any good.

The National Park Service

Once again the Department of the Interior’s well-known land management bureau is taking the cake for one of the best social media campaigns. It plays on the tough love America’s harsh wilderness has been known to dole out even to it’s most enamored admirers.

So, if you’re planning on visiting a national park for Presidents Day weekend, show your local rangers some love and be sure to leave no trace at your campsite or trail.

U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission

Like a doting friend, the CPSC is the platonic lover we all need to keep us safe from everyday household hazards and product recalls.

Naturally, CPSC is coupling its valentines with important information about things you might forget in the heat of the moment, like checking and replacing your smoke alarms.

And if you’re looking for a way to set the mood for a lovely candlelight dinner, CPSC even came out with an original album of songs featuring various artists and genres.

National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration

Is it getting hot in here? NOAA certainly thinks so.

And it’s not just because January 2024 was the eighth straight month of record global temperatures.

The agency housed within the U.S. Department of Commerce also authored a slew of printable Valentines that offer facts about hydrothermal vents in the ocean, electrical currents in storm systems and satellite signals used in weather forecasts.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Here’s a date night tip unofficially endorsed by the CDC: when you feel your best, you probably look your best, too.

The Health and Human Services sub-office that receives billions of dollars a year to craft national prevention of and emergency response to large-scale health issues.

While the agency got a great deal of spotlight for its response during the COVID-19 pandemic, it also runs programs related to data collection on air and water quality, environmental justice, heart disease and other health threats. And for each of them, there’s a themed valentine.

Federal Emergency Management Agency

They say to love is to suffer.

FEMA thinks the latter can be avoided by being prepared for all manner of natural disasters. Having an emergency evacuation plan ready to go in a time of need can be a precious gift to yourself and those you love, the agency said in a blog sharing valentines with encouraging messages.

And, another tip from the pros: a third of all candle fires begin in the bedroom. Perhaps this is the year you switch to battery-operated flames? Just a thought.

Agricultural Research Service

We don’t know this for sure, but strawberries seem like the official fruit of Feb. 14.

The Department of Agriculture knows a luscious, red berry is nearly irresistible, especially when paired with chocolate. That’s why the the Agricultural Research Service announced on Wednesday its strawberry “breeding” program in Beltsville, Maryland, has cultivated a new berry called Lumina that grows large and sweet with a bright color.

The agency said the variety is also resistant to certain diseases in the field that can lead to rotting at harvest time and in storage.

“No fumigation or fungicides were used on ‘Lumina’ in the field,” said USDA-ARS research plant geneticist Kim Lewers, in a statement. “This is remarkable. Our research shows that after two weeks in post-harvest storage, ‘Lumina’ fruits were 24% more marketable than its early-season predecessor.”

U.S. Customs and Border Protection

The going predictions say that 250 million roses are sold each year on Valentine’s Day, and the Department of Homeland Security plays a major role in ensuring overseas and domestic shipments to meet demand don’t inadvertently expose U.S. soil to pests hitching a ride.

“As of Feb. 7, agriculture specialists have cleared more than one billion cut flowers, intercepting 1,581 insects and pests, with 877 that could have potentially introduced diseases into the United States, such as Chrysanthemum White Rust, a fungus that can put flower growers in jeopardy,” said the agency on Feb. 9.

U.S. Census Bureau, Bureau of Labor Statistics

Leave it to the numbers folks to bring us romance-drunk dreamers back down to earth. Love can lie; numbers don’t, after all.

Stats compiled by the Census show that divorce rates are down over the last decade, but so are marriage rates.

Now, if you’re planning on adding a wedding to that count, the good news is prices for men’s suits and women’s formal wear were lower in January 2024 than a year ago, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

The bad news is that prices for jewelry, wine, sweet confections and flower deliveries are up a bit.

Defense Health Agency

The Department of Defense’s health arm isn’t killing the vibe with this message; it’s just being realistic.

“Department of Defense health surveillance data continue to reflect that sexually transmitted infections, or STIs, are widespread among both men and women in the military,” it said in a statement on DVIDs Feb. 15.

Magdalena Danaila, a registered public health nurse at the Defense Centers for Public Health Aberdeen, broke down some myths about using contraception safely in a way that feels like a comfortable, caring conversation with your own health care provider.

Veterans Affairs

This year, Valentine’s Day also coincides with National Donor Day. To promote the lifesaving power of organ donation, which contributed to 46,000 transplants in 2023, the Veterans Health Administration reminded the public to join the registry.

Did we miss any? Share your favorites to tips@federaltimes.com.

Molly Weisner is a staff reporter for Federal Times where she covers labor, policy and contracting pertaining to the government workforce. She made previous stops at USA Today and McClatchy as a digital producer, and worked at The New York Times as a copy editor. Molly majored in journalism at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

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